A despair took me at once. I thought of all my dreams–broken, my accomplishments–minor, my life–of no significance.
I cried and a second me cried as well. I cried for my pain but another part of me cried for myself. This second self did not pity me, but she watched helplessly and with great sorrow.
My pain was her pain yet she felt none of my dislike of life. “Why?”
And I knew that she knew things, wonderful things and equally horrible things that she could not tell me. I felt the potential, I did not have to lament so, but my heart was lost and the path unclear.
“I just wanted to be someone I could look up to. A better version of who I was. Someone who could do amazing things.”
And then my second self showed me the past, one not too long ago, a different me of whom I remember. They seemed liked another person entirely, happy, brilliant, and living.
“She is you and you are still she,” my voice said, slightly different but in a way I couldn’t name.
I felt like a fool and different tears fell. What would she think of me now?
“She is you and you are still she,” again my voice said within me.
Yes, I was once she. But now I needed her help.
I remembered a minor spell, one of prayer not unlike an invocation. The image of me grew strong and I thought of that past self, the person I was not more than a year ago, and I prayed to her.
I thought of her accomplishments, the dedication, and her courage and will to fight, love, and laugh.
I felt her thoughts touch mine. I called to her. I prayed. We needed help, our path was narrow, too dark and winding. “I am lost.”
She heard me and came.
Then again in my mind, I spoke. “You will always be she,” my voice revberated, and I felt guided towards the future.
There, growing stronger, an image of me. She is blurry, but the sound of her heart is strong and loud.
“I need to see her face,” I said. “Does she truly exist?”
No answer. I reached out with the same part of me that called to the past and touched that image of the future. I called out, in a voice filled with pain. “Help me. If you truly exist, come to me.”
And I felt her stir. A future me, full of strength and joy so strong, her image seemed to shine brightly in my mind.
I was weak, but my past and future were not. Yet I felt these two were not enough.
“Your power in three,” my voice echoed and my second self seemed to fill me and I prayed upon myself.
“I need you. Please, help me.”
I was heard. My past, present and future collided. For a moment, I felt as an absolute being–an alignment of being and knowing I still do not and cannot comprehend.
I felt it. I saw it. My soul in completion. A change had begun.